Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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