this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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