He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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