Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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