I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
