I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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