have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
