so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
