All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
