im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
