My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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