Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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