My sheets look like a crime scene.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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