Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
