Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
