He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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