no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
