he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
