WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
