so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
