so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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