He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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