Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
