You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
