we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
