I wish I could teleport
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
