Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
