he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
