so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
