i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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