I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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