ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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