sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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