dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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