im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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