Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
