remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
