You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
