well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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