margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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