Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
