Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
