i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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