His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
