You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
