I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
