I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
