Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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