I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
