I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
