In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
