I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
