I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
