ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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