I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
