the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
