i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
