My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
