Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
